


Close to Home

by alllove



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alllove/pseuds/alllove
Summary: Reader and Spencer have been working together at the BAU for a while. You've always been very close with each other but when a case that hits close to home pops up, it starts to feel like the nature of your relationship may change.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, this is my first CM fic, super nervous about it. I hope you enjoy!! Also Reid is a smol bean I love him anyway here you gooo

“Hey Spence, what’ve you been up to?” you asked as you saw him come out of the elevator.

“Oh, hi. I was dealing with something with my mom. I think she’s going to have to switch facilities again soon,” Spencer said with a small seed of sadness in his voice. 

“I’m sorry Spence. But, hey, if there’s anything I can do, just say the word,” you told him with a small reassuring squeeze of his shoulder. You both walked into the conference room together, curious about what the meeting was for since Hotch made it sound so urgent. 

On the screen you could see images of women that were truly horrifying. You knew you had seen this a million times before, but experience didn’t make your job any easier. “We have a serial killer who’s been seen in Louisville, Kentucky. The story is that he hunts down women in bars, takes them home and then kills them. The bodies are dumped before dawn and the cool off period, is only 24 hours,” Hotch said. 

“24 hours as in, he does this every night?” you asked, horrified. Hotch just nodded his head. You looked down at your case file with disgust at the thought of someone doing that. 

“Any sexual encounters ante or postmortem?” Reid asked, jotting down his notes. 

“Both. Once before, and once after,” Hotch said. 

“And how far away are the abduction and disposal sites?” Morgan asked. 

“Abduction sites vary between 3 bars and the disposal sites stretch all over the county but never further,” Hotch replied. “The time is crucial on this one. We’ve got to catch this guy, and fast. Wheels up in 30,” Hotch said before leaving the room. 

You hadn’t looked up from the case file. Your face scrunched, half in disgust and half in pain. “You coming?” Reid asked you. 

“Oh. Yeah, coming,” you replied. You took one last look at the case file and then closed it. You knew what those women were going through all too well. No one knew about your past, what had happened when you were still in the academy, and you planned on keeping it that way. 

Everyone was piling onto the plane. You chose a seat at the back, not really wanting to talk to anyone. Spencer joined you which you didn’t mind. If someone had to sit next to you, you were glad it was him. 

Before you knew it, you were in the air. Everyone was looking over the file and discussing possible profiles for the man you were looking for. JJ walked over to you to fill you in, but as much as you appreciated it, it was the last thing you wanted. 

“Hey you. You doin’ okay?” JJ asked, with genuine concern in her voice. 

“I’m fine, just a bit tired,” you replied, slightly smiling. 

“Okay well, I just wanted to let you know we’ve started to build a potential profile. We’ll know more once we see the area but as of right now, we’re thinking male, early 30s, experienced, and on some sort of deadline. It’s not much but it’s a start,” JJ said. 

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to keep thinking of whatever else could possibly match him,” you replied. JJ got up and went back to Emily on the other side of the jet. You watched her walk away as you remembered something that happened at the academy a few years ago.  
***  
You were out for drinks. Nothing you hadn’t done a million times before. Ryan was as charming as ever. You couldn’t believe that this time it was a date. You’d waited so long and couldn’t be more excited. He ordered you a drink while you went to the bathroom, such a gentleman. You remember coming back to the bar after using the restroom, having touched up your makeup. You finished your drink so quickly, eager to make the nerves and excitement go away so you didn’t act strange. You remember the drink tasting a little weird, but assuming it was just the mouthwash you had used mixing with the alcohol.  
***  
You snapped out of your trance, and immediately felt sick. You got up to run to the bathroom and knocked on the door. Someone was in there. “Give me one minute, sorry!” a voice yelled out. It was Spencer’s voice, you knew that, but right now you didn’t care, you just needed to get inside. 

The door swung open as Spencer stepped out. “Oh hey, Y/N. Sorry I took so long,” he said. His brows furrowed as he looked at you with worry on his face. “You okay?” he asked. 

“Yeah I’m fine,” you replied as you pushed past him and shut the door. Your head fell over the toilet and you could feel your insides convulsing as you puked your guts out. After what seemed like forever, you sunk to the floor of the bathroom as tears started to roll down your face. You knew you had to get out of the bathroom soon, or else there would be questions. You pulled yourself together, took a deep breath, and splashed some water on your face. You stepped out of the bathroom and headed back to your seat where Spencer was waiting. 

“Hey, what was that about? You don’t get air sick,” he said, knowing you all too well. He looked at you with a face of concern, a face only he could make. 

“Oh, it was nothing. I’ve just been really tired lately,” you replied. He continued looking at you, studying your body language to see if you were lying to him. You were careful not to move a muscle out of place that would give you away. “I’m fine Spence, really,” you said in a soft voice, hoping to draw his attention away from the beginnings of your defensive stance. 

“Okay,” he whispered, although he didn’t sound entirely convinced. He stayed with you throughout the rest of the flight, including when you tried to sleep but had no such luck. Every time you closed your eyes, you remembered what had happened.  
***  
You started to feel faint. The lines of the world blurred together as everything became a vague, fuzzy shape. You tried to stand up but stumbled out of your chair. You remember Ryan guiding you to his car to take you home safely, or so you thought. You remember being in the car, thinking that you didn’t recognize your surroundings. You knew where Ryan lived, so why didn’t this place look familiar? You remember stopping at a motel, assuming that Ryan just decided to book a room to watch over you. Oh, how naïve you were. You remember being placed on the bed, still conscious, but barely so. You remember your jacket being taken off, then your shirt, then your jeans…  
***


	2. Chapter 2

Your eyes shot open. You cracked your neck and looked out the window. The ground was closer than ever as your descent into Louisville started. You got up to use the bathroom for what must’ve been the fifth time that flight, which on a flight that only lasts two hours, is extremely suspicious. You figured you probably got about 45 minutes of broken sleep. You turned on the light in the bathroom, shutting the door silently so as to not wake the rest of your team. You looked at yourself in the mirror, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down.

You heard a knock on the door. “Just a second,” you called out. You took one more deep breath and then opened the door. Emily was standing there, giving you a small smile as the two of you traded places. She looked back at you before closing the door behind her. 

You walked back to your seat, clutching your head, Spencer still asleep in his seat. You smiled at his innocent face moving ever so slightly with his shallow breaths. You sat back down and continued looking out the window, more memories coming back to you.  
***  
You felt strange. You didn’t want this to happen. You told him to stop, you didn’t feel yourself. You started kicking as you felt restrained. Why couldn’t you move your arms anymore? Why wasn’t your left leg moving? Your fuzzy brain started to realize what was happening to you. You couldn’t imagine Ryan would do something like this. You guys had been friends forever, there’s no way he was doing this to you. You remember a tear rolling down your face as you realized the person you trusted most in the world was the one who was taking advantage of you. You closed your eyes and started to cry.  
***

You didn’t even realize the plane had landed in Kentucky. It wasn’t until Spencer tapped you on the shoulder that you looked around and noticed you were the last two on the plane. He handed you your bag as you thanked him and headed down the steps of the private jet. 

Once on the ground, the team split in two in order to get to the Louisville police headquarters. Hotch, JJ, and Rossi in one, with Derek, Emily, Reid, and you in the other. As you approached the headquarters, you started to gather your things. It wasn’t until the third time Derek called your name that you realized what was going on. “What, oh, sorry,” you replied to his incessant calling. 

“Are you feeling okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine it’s just a headache. You know, from exhaustion,” you told him. You grabbed your bag and headed out of the car. 

The police department was nice enough to set up you and the rest of your team with a conference room to work out of. Once you all settled in, you got Penelope on the phone immediately. “Hey Garcia, you’re on speaker,” you said into your phone. 

“Hello my lovelies. Okay, this is what I’ve found so far about our unsub. The women’s bodies are scattered throughout the county, yes, but I believe there may a connection between the victims and their dump sites. For example, the unsub chose to dump the first victim in a ditch near an elementary school yard, the second near a high school, and the third a few blocks away from a coffee shop, which, that victim used to work at. 

“Okay so it sounds like the victims dump sites are somehow related to a part of their life,” Derek said. 

“Right but a place like an elementary or high school is so common, almost everyone goes to one of those,” Emily pointed out. 

“It’s almost as if the unsub is potentially aging up the dump sites. You know, he started young at an elementary school and worked his way up to an entry level job site,” JJ connected. 

“Yeah, it sounds like this guy is living his life in sequential order, through his dump sites. It’s possible he’s longing for a simpler, childhood time or because he feels like he’s lost control and wants to regain some of it. In any case the next logical step for him to take would be to either work up to a bigger corporation or target a college or university,” Reid said. 

“Garcia, I need you to look for connections between the victims and the dump sites. See if they know anyone in common and get back to me,” Hotch said. 

“Already on it. I’ll hit you back,” she replied. 

“We need to check out the homes of the victims, see if they have people they went to school with in commons. Check anything from phone records, to yearbooks. Derek and Morgan take the first vic, Rossi and I will take the second, Y/N, you and Reid take the third. JJ, I want you and Prentiss here for when the families come in. Talk to them and see if they know anything that could help,” Hotch said, assigning everyone their jobs. Reid smiled at you, and you gave him a small smile back. You all hopped into cars and you were off.


	3. Chapter 3

“The third victim’s name is Alex Beasley; she was the one dumped near the coffee shop. She was 25 years old, part time worker, and had daughter with her ex-husband,” Reid say, reciting what was in the case file. You looked back up at him and nodded, acknowledging what he had said. He looked at you with concern in his eyes again.

“Stop it, Spence. I’m fine, seriously. You don’t need to keep giving me that look,” you said, tried of explaining yourself. 

“What look? I’m not giving you any look,” he said, while still giving you the look he claimed to know nothing about. The two of you continued walking until you reached the shop at which the victim had worked. 

You walked up to the counter with Spencer and asked to speak to the manager. You noticed a flower nearby, at one of the tables with an envelope on it. ‘I’ll… be right back,” you said to Spencer, and he watched you walk away with slight confusion. 

As you approached the table, your heart started beating faster, not knowing what to expect. It was just a letter and some flowers, there was nothing to be worried about. But still, something bothered you. Maybe it was because the flower was a lily, your favorite. Or maybe it was because it had a ribbon around it in your favorite color, purple. In any case, you felt drawn to the table, and so you walked. 

When you reached the table, fear jumped out at you. The envelope said your name on it, in handwriting that looked oddly familiar. You couldn’t quite place your finger on it, but you picked up the envelope and opened it to reveal the letter inside. You took a deep breath before opening it. 

“You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought” – Arthur Conan Doyle

You put the paper in your pocket, your mind racing. You could count on one hand the number of people you knew that were able to quote Arthur Conan Doyle, and one of them was in the coffee shop with you. The coffee shop, you had forgotten you were in to gain information. 

You walked back over the Spencer, giving him a small smile. The manager showed up as you came back and smiled at the two of you before speaking. “Hi, I heard you wanted to speak to me?” She said. 

“Hi, yes. We, uh, we’d like to talk to you about, um, about Alex Beasley. She, uh, she was a waitress here,” you said, stumbling over your words a little. Suddenly, you felt something on your back, a hand. It was Spencer’s hand. He rubbed your back a little as if to reassure you he was there. 

“Yes, you may have heard about what happened to her, the unfortunate event,” Reid said to the manager. The manager hung her head and nodded sadly. 

“Yes, I did hear about that. It broke my heart to hear that. She was such a hard worker. Always showed up early and left late, never demanding more. Her daughter would come into work sometimes, such a nice little girl,” the manager recounted. 

“Ma’am is there anything that seemed suspicious these past few days to you? Anyone that maybe came to see Alex or left gifts for her?” Reid asked. 

The manager shook her head. “No, she usually worked the later shifts because she was studying in the morning. She was trying to earn her Master’s degree,” the manager said. 

“She was going to college? Do you know where?” Reid asked. 

“Uh yeah, it was the University of Kentucky,” the manager remembered. Spencer shot you a look and thanked the manager for her help. As the two of you exited the building you let out a shaky breath. 

“Thank you, for, you know, taking over in there,” you said to Spencer. 

“Oh, it’s, uh, no problem. But, I have to ask, what’s going on? And don’t tell me it’s nothing because I know it’s not,” he said to you, stopping you outside. You looked at Spencer and then tried to blink away the tears that started to form in your eyes. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just, this case has brought up some, unpleasant, memories to say the least. It’s not a big deal, it’s just a part of my life I didn’t want to remember,” you said, trying to be as vague as possible while still satisfying Spencer’s need for information. 

”Oh, well, I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do---” he started. 

“I’ll let you know. Thanks,” you said, before continuing the walk back to the police headquarters. 

***

When you got back, the rest of your team was already there. You filled them in on the information you had acquired while they did the same. 

“Okay, so it looks like they all had some sort of affiliation with the University of Kentucky. Our first victim had a legacy there,” Morgan started. 

“Our second had just accepted a position there to play basketball,” JJ continued. 

“And our last one was studying there part time as a graduate student,” you finished. “So, it stands to reason the next victim will also be affiliated with the University of Kentucky,” you continued. 

“You know, the Unsub seems to be increasing in age. The last victim was 25 so maybe the next one will be a little older, probably by a few years. When people age their victims like this they tend to slow down as they approach the 30s due to their victims not being a desirable age for sexual assault,” Reid said, finishing off with an unfortunate statistic. 

“Okay, we need a plan. Y/L/N, I want you to go undercover. You’ll be a student at the University of Kentucky, senior year. You need to ask around campus, figure out who this guy is. I need you to befriend him, let him get close enough to you so that he can gain your trust,” Hotch said to you. You felt your heart beat faster and faster. Your eyes blinking as if trying to wake up from a bad dream. You got up to leave the room when Hotch called out after you. ‘Y/N, can you do this?” 

You turned to look at Hotch, nodded your head and walked out the door. Spencer and Emily looked at each other before Spencer ran after you. 

***

“Hey, you okay?” He asked, finally reaching you. You turned to face him, wiping away the tears rolling down your face. 

His heart broke when he saw your face, the dried-up tears, the puffy eyes, the sadness in your eyes. “Spence,” you started, “I… I know I need to do this, but I just… I can’t… I can’t imagine it happening again. It was… so… painful the first time. If it happens again, Spence, I don’t think I could handle it, I’m sorry,” you said as you pushed past him. You were doing this, putting yourself in that position for the sake of your team. You were barely keeping it together, but you knew you had to stay strong. You walked away from Spencer, your heart breaking because, deep down, you wanted to tell him everything. 

You didn’t know why this was happening. You just felt safe with Spencer, you always had. You wanted to tell him everything, and you wanted him to hold you afterward. You wanted him to hug you and pull you in close, tell you that everything would be okay because he would protect you. He was everything you wanted, everything you needed, but you didn’t let yourself love him. You pushed down your feelings for the sake of your jobs, for the sake of his safety. But, at times like these, you needed someone, and you wanted it to be him. You swore you couldn’t handle these memories, these flashbacks by yourself, and yet, every time you were reminded of the past, you opened your mouth to tell Spencer and nothing came out. 

You couldn’t burden him with that, you needed to be strong and deal with it yourself. So, that’s what you did when you walked away. It took so much to not run into his arms, but you persisted. Even when he called after you and tried to run to reach you. Even when he grabbed your arm and turned you around, begging you to explain to him what as wrong and how he could fix it, even when the tears started to fall down his face too, you couldn’t put that on him. 

You walked back into the conference room, straightened your blouse and said, “I’m ready.”


	4. Chapter 4

The first part of the plan was going off without a hitch. You had already made some friends at the University and were working on a profile to determine the Unsub you were looking for. You dipped into an empty classroom to pick up a call from the rest of your team. 

“Hi, what’s up?” You asked into the phone. 

“Hey, we think we have a profile. We’re gonna release it to the public but we wanted to tell you first,” Morgan said on the other side. 

“That’s great. It was starting to get a little difficult trying to figure out who was going to be the Unsub, this campus is massive,” you said to him. 

“That’s because at any given time, the University of Kentucky has about thirty thousand four hundred and seventy-three students, forty four percent of which are male, making the likelihood of you finding our Unsub one in thirteen thousand four hundred and eight point twelve, or approximately zero point zero zero seven percent,” you heard Reid say on the phone. 

“Thanks, genius,” you said, smiling to yourself. “So, the profile?”

“Right okay here goes. You’re looking for a Caucasian male, late twenties to early thirties, on a deadline that’s specific to an event he was involved in. He’s gotten more experienced with his victims so he’s likely gained confidence and will come off that way to anyone who approaches him. You’ll want to be careful when speaking to him because he’s highly intelligent and seems to have an acute understanding of the government and law enforcement’s work and response time. He knows how to not get caught,” Morgan said to you. 

It was terrifying to hear. Being undercover was hard enough but knowing that the Unsub was probably vicious and had knowledge of law enforcements inner workings just made it worse. “Thanks for the information, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll call you guys later tonight with an update,” you said. You went to hang up the phone when you heard someone say something. 

“Wait, can I just… can I just talk to you for a second,” the voice said. Your heart raced as you licked your lips and took a deep breath. 

“Of course, Spence, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to tell you that, you know, we’re not gonna let anything happen to you. We’re gonna find you before anything happens and we’ll be there every step of the way. I promise. We all care about you and I-, we, don’t want to see you get hurt, okay?”

“I know. Thanks, Spence,” you said, and you hung up the phone, a single tear rolling down your face. You wiped it off and headed back to your dorm. 

***

You heard about a dorm party that was happening later tonight, and decided it was a good idea to go, no matter how much you didn’t want to. This wasn’t the traditional party though. The people who lived in the dorm weren’t hosting it there, but instead taking everyone to a bar and paying for their drinks. It was extremely exclusive, and you had to invited to get in. 

“Hey, Hotch, is everyone there?” You asked him over the phone. 

“Yes, everyone’s here. What do you have for us?” He asked from the other side. 

“There’s an extremely exclusive event happening later today at a bar. The crowd invited seems to be the Unsub’s type and… I got an invite. I’m going in at 9pm. It’s at an undisclosed location though, so,” you gulped, “I’m not sure where I’ll be, but I’ll leave my phone’s location on so you guys can track me,” you finished. 

“Okay, stay safe and be extremely careful, Y/N,” Hotch said to you. 

You hung up the phone and gathered some things you might need to protect yourself, but nothing that was suspicious for a college student to have. 

***

Later that night, you were at the bar, double checking your phone every ten seconds to make sure that the location was on. You didn’t know why, but you just had this feeling that something was going to go wrong. 

You walked up to the bartender, ordering a water, and sat at the bar. A table across the floor caught your eye as you put down your water and walked over to it. 

On the table, sat a single lily, again with a purple ribbon around it. Another envelope with your name was next to the flower. You picked up the letter and read what it said. Immediately you dropped the letter and ran back over to the bar. You picked up your phone that you had accidentally left there and dialed the BAU. 

“Hello?” Someone said on the other line. 

“Emily,” you started while panting, “Emily, I know who the Unsub is you have to get here right now,” you said into the phone. 

“Y/N, okay, calm down, we’re gonna get you out of there. What’s his name?”

“Ryan… Ryan Daniels,” you said, in a small voice. 

“Y/N, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just, please get here,” you finished. You hung up the phone and contemplated your choices. You could stay and make sure that no one else was abducted, therefore putting yourself at a greater chance for abduction, or you could run out of the bar at full speed and not stop until you got as far away as possible. You wanted so badly to choose the second option, but you knew you had a job to do. Risking yourself for the life of someone else, regardless of whether you knew them or not, was never a question in your mind. 

So, you stayed. Checking your watch, your phone, everything every couple of seconds, wondering when the rest of your team was going to get there. You downed the rest of your water, wishing it was something stronger. Then, a weird taste hit your mouth after you swallowed. Fear and panic shot through you like never before. You felt a hand on your back and breathing on your neck, followed by a whisper, “Hello sweetheart. Miss me?”

You inhaled sharply, as you turned to face the one man you feared more than anyone else. Ryan Daniels. You were in the academy together, best friends, even dating for a small while before he took advantage of you. There were tears streaming down your face, and as he wiped them away, you winced. 

You didn’t know what was going on. You were a trained FBI agent, you should be able to fight back, hold him off until your team got there, you should be able to do something, anything. But you couldn’t move a muscle. Ryan took some money out of his wallet and placed it on the counter before putting his hand on your back again. Only, this time, it wasn’t so much his hand as it was the barrel of a gun. 

“Move,” he said, and you obliged. Your mind was racing, trying to think of what you could possibly do to get out of this situation. You got into a car and he started driving, a gun still trained on you. You looked at the side mirror of the car, hoping to see police lights behind you, but there was nothing. The night was as silent and as dark as ever, as you felt the last of your hope slip away. 

***

The BAU showed up to the bar about 5 minutes after you were taken. Hotch busted the door down with Rossi, Morgan, and Reid following behind him. JJ and Emily were waiting for the people to exit the bar as they were sent out by their team members. 

Once everyone was out, they surveyed the area, finding no sign of you. “Garcia I need a ping on Y/N’s location,” Hotch said, putting her on speaker. 

“Got it, I’m on it, I’m working on it, and… I have nothing,” she said, her voice dropping at the end of her sentence. 

“What?” Hotch said to her. 

“I have nothing sir, I don’t know what happened. Her last known location is the bar.”

“The Unsub probably turned it off when he took her,” Morgan said, slamming his fist on the bar. 

“Guys,” Reid said, picking up the letter you had dropped. He saw the words written on the paper and his heart broke. He bit his lip to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. Morgan read the letter and immediately stormed outside, kicking the pavement, fighting off his own urge to cry. JJ and Emily both had tears roll down their cheeks, Rossi stepped outside to calm Morgan down, even though he was hiding his own emotions. But Hotch, Hotch just stood there, blank expression. He bagged the letter and stepped outside. 

“Let’s go, we need to find her,” he said.


	5. Chapter 5

“Are they still your favorite?” Ryan asked you as he tightened the straps holding you down. 

“Burn in hell Ryan,” you spat. Your comment was met with a swift slap across the face. 

“You should really be kinder to the people who provide you with a place to stay.”

“A place to stay? Are you kidding me? You tortured me, Ryan. You used and abused me like I was some sort of toy for you to play with,” you said, tears rolling down your cheeks. 

“And you were beautiful. My favorite toy ever really. I’ve been trying to find people like you but, no one compares. When I saw you on campus, I decided I had to have you again,” he said, now sharpening a blade. 

You inhaled sharply as he came closer to you. He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled the zipper down. He took your shirt off your shoulders and traced the blade down your neck. “What are you gonna do to me?” You asked, your voice small and quiet. 

“Oh we’re gonna have tons of fun, don’t you worry about that. But first, I need to handle your friends at the FBI. So, we’re gonna play a little game. You give me what I want, and I don’t kill them off one by one. You refuse, and they die. Got it?” He said, with a sadistic smile on his face. 

You nodded your head, whimpering. You prayed your friends stayed far away from here, that they would just give up, turn around, and go home. But you knew that wasn’t going to happen. They would never give up on you. 

“You get one phone call. 15 seconds. Choose carefully because if they don’t pick up, you don’t get a new call,” he said, holding a burner to your face. 

You took a deep breath and dialed a number. It was the only number that mattered to you. It should’ve been the BAU. It should’ve been Garcia so she could find a way to trace the call back to you. But it wasn’t. It was Spencer. 

The phone started ringing. He almost didn’t pick up. Your heart racing with each ring that went by without hearing his voice. On what you swore was the last possible ring, Spencer answered the phone. 

“H-hello?” You said, with a shaky breath. 

“Oh my god, Y/N? Is that you?”

“Spence, I need you to listen,” you said before pausing for a couple seconds, Ryan counting down the time on his fingers. “Spence, I- I need you to know that… that whatever happens, no matter what, I-,” you were cut off. 

“Time’s up,” Ryan said, snapping the phone shut and tossing it to the side. 

***

“Y/N? Y/N! Hello?” Spencer called into the phone, his heart dropping. Spencer set the phone down, trying to steady his breathing. 

“Hey kid, you okay?” Morgan asked him. 

Spencer shook his head in response. Morgan walked over to him and checked his phone. He saw the recent calls and looked back up at Spencer. He immediately dialed Garcia. 

“Hello, my precious what can I do for you?” She asked. 

“Garcia, I need you to trace a number for me, ready? It’s 777-333-1111,” Morgan said into the phone. 

“On it. While I track this I should tell you, I looked up this Ryan Daniels guy. Turns out he went to the FBI academy for a while until he was kicked out. His records say he was dismissed for disorderly conduct,” Garcia said. 

“That’s why he knows how law enforcement works. He was almost a federal agent,” Morgan sighed. 

“Garcia what graduating class would he have been a part of?” Reid said, speaking for the first time since your phone call. 

“Uh, the class of 2016,” she said. 

Reid let out a sigh and started to shake his head. He punched the table he was still standing at before trying to storm out. His arm was grabbed by Morgan, who said, “Hey, you gonna tell me what you just realized?”

“He’s a part of the same class at Y/N. He knew her, she’s who the surrogates were for. We should’ve never sent her in, we played right into his hand,” Reid said before yanking his arm back and heading outside. 

Morgan hung his head and picked up the phone again. “Hey can you check to see if this guy had any last known addresses, property, anything?”

“Sure thing,” Garcia said. Morgan hung up the phone, hung his head and closed his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and prayed you’d be okay. 

***

Reid filled everyone in on what he had just learned, with some more shocked than others. 

“He knew her, he’d done this to her before,” Rossi said. 

“That’s how she knew who the Unsub was. We did exactly what he wanted,” Emily said, hanging her head. 

Hotch stayed silent, turning his back to the group and taking a few steps away. 

A tear rolled down Spencer’s cheek as JJ rubbed his shoulder. “It’s okay, Spence, she’s strong. She’ll get out of it. She’s a survivor,” JJ said, although it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than she was Spencer. 

Spencer hadn’t told anyone what you said on the phone call. He didn’t know the end of your sentence. He knew what he wanted it to be, god how he hoped it would’ve ended the way he wanted it to. But he couldn’t think about that right now. He needed to focus on finding you. 

***

You felt the stream run down your face. You couldn’t tell what was blood and what was water. You kept your composure, sure to stay calm. You couldn’t let him see you weak again. You stayed tied down, half naked as Ryan did whatever he wanted to you. You couldn’t risk the lives of your team members. 

“I want you to be the dirty slut you are,” he said. You shook your head, biting your lip, not sure how much longer you could keep this up. “Is that… refusal?” he asked, an edge in his voice. 

“No, no it’s not I swear,” you whimpered, begging him to forgive you. 

“What part of dead, did you not understand? I’m not playing here, Y/N. There aren’t any second chances,” he said. 

You sobbed, unable to stop the tears from falling. “Alright, who’s first?” He said, showing you pictures of your team members. You were careful not to move in the slightest, so as to not indicate any feelings towards your coworkers. “Her? Or… maybe him?” He said pulling out Emily and Rossi’s pictures. “Maybe I should go with the doctor,” Ryan said as he pulled out a picture of Spencer. You bit your lip again before letting go, praying he didn’t see it. Unfortunately, he was almost an FBI agent, he saw everything. “Uh, oh. Hit a nerve, there didn’t I? That’s okay, I’m saving him for later,” he said. He pulled out a picture of Derek and said, “I think I’ll go with Mr. Angry here.”

You looked at Ryan, pleading with your eyes. He made one phone call and you hung your head, terrified of what would happen to your friend. 

***

Morgan stepped outside with Garcia on the phone. “Hey guys so, I found that he has a last known address at 17 Homecourt Drive and he owns a company that has two warehouses, one on 6th and one on 19th. As for the phone number, it seems like he used a burner phone so I can’t track it. I’m sorry,” she said. 

“That’s okay baby girl, thanks for your help,” Morgan replied and hung up the phone. 

Hotch turned to the rest of the team and said, “Okay, Reid and Morgan I want you to go to the warehouse on 6th street, JJ and Rossi take the one on 19th, Prentiss and I will take the house. You find her, you call us, and you do what you need to do to get her out. Understand?” Everyone nodded, seeing a side of Hotch that really only came out when one of your own was in danger. 

***

Morgan and Reid were driving, as fast as humanly possible. Spencer looked down at his phone again. He opened up the message he had recorded from you and listened to it. Again. And Again. And Again. There was something about the way you spoke in the beginning, the way you told Spencer to listen. That’s when it hit him. He listened as close as possible and heard faint tapping. His head shot up. 

“Call the rest of them,” he said. Morgan looked at Reid with a confused face. 

“What?” He asked. 

“Trust me. She’s at the one on 6th,” Spencer said, praying he heard you correctly. 

Morgan dialed Hotch’s number and put the phone to his ear to tell him the news, when suddenly the car skidded to a stop. He stepped outside the car, and immediately noticed the flat tire. He drew his gun, Reid following suit. That’s when it started raining bullets. No one knew where they were coming from. Both Spencer and Derek ducked behind the car, Reid reaching for the phone that was still inside with Hotch’s number dialed. 

“Hotch, Hotch she’s at the warehouse on sixth. Someone’s shooting at us, you have to get there,” he said frantically into the phone. 

“Copy,” Hotch said before hanging up. 

“I’m gonna cover you, you get out of here and find her,” Morgan said to Reid. 

“No. I want to find her more than anything, but those guys are clearly shooting at you. I’ll cover you, you find her,” Spencer said, his heart breaking. 

“What makes you say that?” Morgan asked. 

“They shot your side of the car, and they shot the driver’s door tire. If they were aiming to stop us they would’ve hit one of the back ones or the passenger side since most people are right handed,” Reid said to him. 

Morgan looked at him for a second. He chuckled for a second and Reid gave him a small smile. Derek’s heart shattered into pieces before agreeing. He gave Reid’s shoulder a squeeze. 

Spencer came into the line of fire while Morgan turned a corner and started running for his life, and yours. 

***

You panted again, as you felt Ryan on top of you. He traced every inch of you with that knife he still had on him. You arched your back as he kissed every inch of you. You bit your lip to stop the sobs you were choking back. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t like this sweetheart. You liked it then, and I know you like it now,” he whispered against your neck. 

“You’re sadistic,” you spat. 

“Maybe. But I have you regardless,”

You inhaled sharply again as the knife was brought closer to your neck. “Just kill me already,” you cried. “Just kill me.”

“All in good time,” Ryan said. 

It was then that you heard a door being kicked open as Derek showed up. 

“FBI, Ryan Daniels, don’t move,” Morgan yelled. 

Ryan got off of you and then held the knife to your throat. 

“Do NOT move or I swear to god I’ll shoot!”

“Ugh, why aren’t you dead yet?” Ryan groaned. 

“Hands in the air. Now.”

“That’s okay. I was saving the doctor for later but since you people like to do things on your own time, I’ll do things on mine too,” Ryan said as he started dialing a number again. He held the phone to his ear and said, “Change of plans. Kill the doctor.”


	6. Chapter 6

“No,” you whispered, shocked. “NO!” you yelled. 

“Ah ah ah watch it there my sweet,” Ryan said holding the knife closer to your throat to the point where it was starting to cut you. You looked at Derek, tears swelling in your eyes. 

Derek looked at you with the same pain you felt. His stance faltered for a second, just a second. For just one second he lowered his gun a tiny amount. But that was enough for Ryan. He pulled a gun out of his pants on the floor, and fired two shots. 

You watched in horror as Derek fell to the ground. He would be dead without his vest on, there was no question about that. You watched as he bled on the ground, and you started struggling against your restraints. You reached for the knife that Ryan had dropped next to you when he reached for the gun. You moved your body on top of it, hiding it until you could escape. 

“Do you people see what happens when you mess with me?” Ryan screamed. 

“Ryan, please, please just help him. Call this off, please don’t hurt them. I’m the one you want,” you pleaded, knowing it was probably no use. 

“You were the one I wanted. But now you’re one of them,” he said. 

“Ryan you can be too. We can make that happen. We can be like them, together. Please, I’ll do anything, we can be together,” you said to try and sway him. 

“Really?” He asked. 

“Of-of course,” you said. He looked at you like he didn’t believe a word you were saying. But eventually his expression changed and he nodded his head. 

His phone rang the next second and you listened intently as he listened to whoever was on the other side. “NO! Are you kidding me? He got away?” Ryan yelled into his phone. 

“Oh, thank god,” you said, immediately realizing your mistake. 

“Find him,” Ryan commanded before hanging up and walking back over to you. “What was that?” He asked. 

“N-nothing,” you said, your voice wavering. 

“I should’ve known you were lying, you two-faced bitch!” Ryan spat. He reached for his gun and walked over to Derek who was still bleeding out. “You’re gonna regret that,” he said, lining up his kill shot with Derek’s forehead. 

It was then that your wrists finally snapped free from the restraints you had cut through while Ryan was on the phone. 

You leaped from the bed you were on and knocked the gun out of Ryan’s hand. You scrambled to grab it but were pulled away by your legs. You kicked and punched the air around you hoping to catch Ryan off guard. You kicked his leg out from under him and went for the gun again, this time passing it to Derek who was lying a few feet away. 

Ryan came up behind you and held the knife to your throat again. You struggled against him as you saw Derek hold the gun and aim it. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” you reassured Morgan, knowing he didn’t have a clear shot. You nodded your head saying it again. “It’s okay, I promise, it’s okay.” 

He looked at you, still holding the gun. He shook his head, tears rolling down his face. You nodded your head, and again he shook his. 

You closed your eyes, wishing nothing more that Spencer was there, that he was at least in the room so you could see him one last time. 

As if on cue, the rest of your team ran into the room, guns drawn. You kept your eyes closed, scared to see Spencer there to watch you die, but scared to find him not there either. You took a deep breath as you heard, what you assumed to be JJ’s voice, call for a medic and Hotch’s voice speak to Ryan. 

“Put it down Ryan. No one wants to shoot you,” Hotch said. 

“Back off. She’s mine. If I can’t have her, no one can,” Ryan said, digging the knife into your skin even more. 

“Ryan.”

That was Spencer’s voice. You knew it. You wanted to open your eyes so badly, but you couldn’t bear the thought of seeing his face when he saw you like this. 

“Put the knife down. Please,” Spencer said. 

Ryan looked around the room, brought the knife away from your neck, and brought his arm down. 

You opened your eyes, breathing heavily as you saw your team. You locked eyes with Spencer. He had so much pain in his eyes, and yet, so much joy. You didn’t dare move a muscle knowing Ryan was still right behind you. Everyone’s guns were still drawn on him. 

Spencer locked eyes with Ryan, who flashed a devilish smile, and immediately brought the knife back up, slicing you across your waist. 

“No,” Spencer yelled, and three shots rang out. JJ called for another medic as you collapsed onto the ground. 

“Hey, hey don’t close your eyes okay. Stay with me,” Spencer said to you. 

“I knew you’d figure it out. You and your beautiful brain.”

“Me? You’re the one who was smart enough to use morse code. Tapping the number six like that, you deserve an award.”

You chuckled at his joke. You missed him more than anything. You laughed again as you brought a hand up to cup his cheek. You stared at his eyes before yours closed and your arm went limp. 

***

The lights had never been brighter. You could swear that every hangover was better than how bright these lights were. You shifted up in your hospital bed, seeing all the machines around you, and hearing the constant beeping coming from them. You saw Spencer sitting in a chair next to your bed, asleep, but only just. 

You smiled to yourself as you moved to sit up. 

“Oh gosh, hi,” Spencer said as he awoke from your sounds. 

“Hi,” you said in a small voice. 

He walked over to your bed, dragging his chair with him. He reached out to hold your hand, tears rolling from his eyes. 

“Hey, don’t do that. I’m right here, I’m okay,” you said, wiping the tears from his face. 

“I’m sorry, I just- I thought I lost you,” he whispered. 

“I know. I thought I lost you too. You know,” you said, clearing your throat, “all of you.”

Spencer looked at you for a second, and you stared back. He looked like he was contemplating asking you something. 

“What is it, Spence?” You asked him as you saw his worry lines get deeper. “Spence?”

“Do you… do you remember when you called me?” He asked you. 

Your stomach flipped as you croaked out a yes. 

“Why me? Why not Garcia or the BAU number?”

You took a deep breath and put your other hand on top of your already intertwined ones. “Because, Spence, in that moment, I just- I didn’t care about anyone except you. I didn’t care about being found or saved or anything. I just wanted to hear your voice one more time,” you said, whispering the last bit. 

Spencer kissed the back of your hand and brushed the hair out of your face. 

“You wanna know what the end of my sentence was?” You asked in a whisper. Spencer’s eyes widened. He remembered but he didn’t want to push you when you were still healing. Once you offered, though, it was the only thing he could think about. So, naturally, he nodded his head yes. 

You looked at his brown eyes, melting inside. You took a shaky breath and said, “I was going to say that I love you. I was going to tell you how I’ve loved you since the day I met you. How, every time you walk into a room my stomach flips. How, every time I hear you laugh, it lights up my day. How, all I want to do is be the reason you smile and never the reason you cry. How, I want to drink coffee with you and watch Doctor Who or Star Trek with you and trade facts and books and thoughts with you. I wanted to tell you I love you, Spence, and the thought of not being able to do that… it broke my heart” you said. Tears were rolling down your face at this point. 

Then, you could’ve sworn that your heart stopped beating. You sat looking at Spencer, his face unchanged. Your stomach dropped at the fear of him not feeling the same way. 

“Spence, I’m-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought that you deserved to know, especially after today. I’m sorry,” you said. Spencer got up from his chair, moved his hands to your face, and stared at you for a second. 

You had no idea what was happening, your mind and heart were going a million miles a minute. You could’ve sworn you were going to explode the next second but, you didn’t. Your eyes flickered between his, searching for some sort of answer. 

“Spence-,” you whispered and then, he kissed you. 

It wasn’t some peck on the cheek or some ‘thanks for being alive’ kiss. It was the real thing, and it lit a fire in you. Your eyelids fluttered as you moved to put one arm around his neck, with the other on his chest. You pulled him closer to you as he pressed up against you. 

He pulled away for a second, both of you panting, trying to catch your breath, your foreheads still pressed together. 

“I love you too,” Spencer whispered, before pulling you in for another kiss. 

You pulled apart much quicker this time, purely because both of you started laughing and crying out of joy. Your jobs were hard, you didn’t get to laugh and smile as much as you would like to, but, right here, right now, the two of you were as happy as could be. 

“Spence, I don’t want to ruin this or anything but umm, where’s Derek?” You asked. 

“He’s fine, he was released earlier today. He wanted to see you but Hotch sent him straight home on the jet,” Spencer said. “It’s coming back for the rest of us in an hour. Rossi and Emily went with him so it’ll just be us, Hotch, and JJ.”

You nodded your head as a sign of understanding before looking back up at Spencer. A smile made its way across your face and his. He gave you a kiss on the top of your head. 

“Want some coffee?” He asked. 

“I’d love some,” you said, your smile widening. 

***

It was your first day back at the BAU in a few days. You walked in and were immediately greeted by Penelope’s screaming. 

“AHHH Y/N I’m so glad you’re okay, oh god I don’t know what I would’ve done,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. 

You pulled her in for a tight hug. “It’s okay Pen, I’m here now, don’t worry,” you reassured her. 

You let go of Penelope and walked over to your desk where you saw a cup of coffee and a note in Spencer’s handwriting. 

‘Coffee - the finest organic suspension ever devised. It's got me through the worst of the last three years. I beat the Borg with it.’

You smiled at Spencer who watched you as you read the note. It was a line from the Star Trek episode you had watched last night. 

Before you could walk over to him, you saw JJ approaching your desk. 

“Hey, how you feelin’,” she asked. 

“I’m okay. Better now,” you said, shooting another look at Spencer. JJ smiled at you, squeezed your shoulder and then walked over to Spencer to tease him. 

You met Rossi on your way to the kitchen and he gave you his standard Italian kisses, one on each cheek. “It’s good to have you back kid,” he said, patting your back. You smiled at him as you made your next cup of coffee, and one for Spencer too. 

Hotch called you into his office a few minutes later. 

“Hotch?” You asked, knocking on his door. 

“Come in Y/N. How are you?”

“I’m doing well,” you said, taking a seat. “Can I ask what this is about?”

“I just, wanted to check up on you. You know headquarters wants a report on your… wellbeing after the case,” he said. 

“Oh, I understand sir. Do you need me to fill anything out?”

“Oh, uh, no. I just wanted to let you know. They’ll send someone on our next couple of assignments just to make sure you work in the field wasn’t impacted,” he said. 

“Of course, sir. Is that all?”

“Yes, yes that’s all.”

You got up to get out of his chair, but he spoke again. 

“Y/N, are you sure you’re okay? If you need more time off…” he said. 

“Thank you, sir, but no. I’m okay,” you said with a small smile before walking out of the office. 

You ran into Emily on your way out of the office, almost spilling her coffee. 

“Oh god, Em, I’m so sorry,” you said. 

“No harm done,” she said with a small laugh. She looked at you for a second before saying, “I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” you replied. 

“I thought about what would’ve happened if I didn’t fire when I did. I didn’t like it at all,” she said. 

Your eyes widened. “You fired the shots?” 

Emily nodded her head, your eyebrows still raised. You gasped and gave her a hug. 

“Oh my god. Thank you. I don’t know what would’ve happened, but I don’t think it would’ve been good. So, thank you,” you said, still holding her. 

You both let go as she gave you a smile and walked into Hotch’s office. You smiled to yourself and headed back to your desk. 

When you arrived you were surprised, pleasantly, to find Morgan there. 

He looked at you, mouth hanging open for a second before running to give you the tightest hug he’d ever given someone. 

You wrapped your arms around him too, the two of you rocking back and forth from the sheer force of the hug. 

A tear rolled down Derek’s face as he said, “I’m so sorry. I thought I’d seen the last of you for sure.”

“Can’t get rid of me that easy,” you laughed as a tear rolled down your face too. 

You both let go from the hug and Derek continued to look at you. “God, Y/N I almost pulled that trigger. I don’t know what I would’ve done, I never would’ve forgiven myself,” he said. 

“I know, Derek, I know. I forgive you, just like I would’ve forgiven you if you had pulled the trigger,” you said giving him a shoulder squeeze. 

He gave you another hug before heading to the bathroom. 

You sat down at your desk and looked around the bullpen. You sure did miss this place. You took a sip of your coffee and watched as Spencer sipped his. You smiled to yourself and opened the case on your desk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys so this is the last bit of the fic. I hope you liked it :)

You felt a knife running along you, the cold from the blade sending shivers down your spine. You inhaled sharply as you struggled to get free. You felt your clothes coming off and you started screaming. 

***

You opened your eyes, covered in sweat. You sat up in your bed to catch your breath. You got up and went to the bathroom, washing your face before going to the kitchen for some tea. 

Once that was made, you sat on the couch holding the mug close to you. 

You heard the door open and saw Spencer walk out of your bedroom. 

“Hi,” you whispered with a small smile. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? You okay?” He asked. 

“Oh, nothing, I just, couldn’t sleep,” you said to him. 

He walked over to the couch and sat next to you immediately intertwining your hands and fingers. 

“Nightmares?” He whispered. You inhaled sharply and nodded your head, biting your lip to keep from crying. “Come here,” he said. He wrapped you in his arms as you started to sob into his chest. 

Your sobs got louder with each passing moment as Spencer rubbed your back, pulling you closer. You tightened your hold on him before finally calming down after a few minutes. The two of you just sat there, holding each other. Your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent to steady your breathing. 

“I’m sorry if my screams woke you up,” you said to him. 

“No, hey. I want them to wake me up. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone,” Spencer said, still rubbing your back. You silently cried as he stroked your hair. “I know, it’s okay, shh,” he said. When you pulled away from the hug, your eyes were puffy and red. Spencer wiped away the remnants of your tears as he cupped your face. You nuzzled your cheek into his palm and blinked back the remaining tears. 

“It’s okay. You’re here now. I’m here,” he said. 

“I know. Thank you,” you said, kissing him. He deepened the kiss before pulling away and just breathing with you, foreheads pressed together. “I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too,” you whispered before kissing him again. 

“You wanna try sleeping again?” He asked you. You took a deep breath and nodded your head. 

He kept his arm around you as the two of you headed back to your room. 

You both got under the covers, and Spencer pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you, and lacing your fingers together, your legs intertwined. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, your back to his chest, so you could feel his breath on your neck and calm down. 

You closed your eyes and tried to match you breathing to his. Before you knew it, you were out cold. The next time you would wake up, the sun would be out. You’d have an amazing breakfast your boyfriend prepared for you, and then the two of you would head off to work, hand in hand, ready to face whatever the world threw at you.


End file.
